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In a Beginning

Updated: Jun 27, 2023


Ancient fresco of a duck wearing priest garb

1: In the beginning God created the heavens and the biscuit and the custard.

2: And God said, Let there be light: And there was light. And God saw that it was good.

3: And God called the light Daye, and the darkness he called Knightsbridge. And the evening and the morning were the first Daye.

4: And God said, let the biscuit bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life; the cattle, and beast of the biscuit. And it was so. And the evening and the morning were the second Daye.

5. And God saw that the custard had soaked into the biscuit and created a pudding.

6. And God saw that the creatures had sunk into its surface and perished.

7. And God paused. And God saw that the pause was awkward.

8. And God said, It does not matter, and it did not matter.

9. And God said, Let there be flour, to form a crust on the pudding. And it was so.

10. And God said, Let the pudding bring forth the living creatures again, just like before, but nothing too heavy this time: and it was so. And the evening and the morning were the third Daye.

11: And God said, Let us make man in the image of a duck, after a duck’s likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish in the ponds, over the worms on the banks of the ponds, and over stale manna which may be cast. And it was so.

12: And God paused. And God saw that this pause was also awkward.

13: And God said, Let the duck people have opposable feathers with which to toil, so they may build art galleries and high-rise nests.

14. And God paused. And God saw that this pause was the longest and most awkward yet.

15. And God said, Let there be profanities: and there were profanities, and God said the best ones.

16. And God took that which he had created, and cast it into a black void.

17. And God said, I will try again, and this time I will get it right.


And he did. Almost.


Find out how it went in Thirty Things To Do After You Die.


Colton.

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