COLTON LAZARS
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. But then so is tomorrow, so why not have today off?
A phenomenon across all realms of reality, this epic existential novel charts Christian Bootstrap's odyssey through life, the afterlife and all those inconvenient bits in between.
This book's not for everyone:
• Deities – you know the answers
• Philosophers – you think you know the answers
• Clerics – you think you’ve been told the answers
• Physicists – you won’t believe the answers
Thirty Things To Do After You Die
The greatest fantasy novel I have read in decades.
Jules Verne
The meaning of life is that it stops. Lazars asks us what is left when we know it does not.
Franz Kafka
Totally freakin’ awesome!
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René Déscartes
"...and then there were the eyes. Eyes that had witnessed the entirety of history – not just human history, but history full stop, there for every event from before the beginning of time. They should have been infinitely jaded, infinitely dark, burdened beyond comprehension with the unending horror of eternity, and yet they appeared fresh as a pair of Polos."
"...all the units were hard-wired to the Judea Essentials range. As well as a selection of simple clothing, tools and basic materials, they were able to produce a few luxury items such as combs, brooches and tasselled felt hats. For the first arrivals, the sight of a smooth shiny cupboard that could summon into being a serviceable pair of sandals had been the stuff of dreams."
"Although something had gone badly wrong, Foz could still see himself, he could touch himself – his arms, his legs, his body, his cushions and his armrests."
"...the liver said nothing. No surprise. Smalltalk wasn’t its thing. Protein synthesis and detoxification of blood was its thing."
"...he’d often seen Gordon nip into the cupboard for some papyrus or a pack of pencils, but he’d never ventured in himself, he’d never needed to. And besides, what was there to see? It was a stationery cupboard. Walk-in, yes, but there’s walk-in and there’s walk-in. This was hold-a-major-tennis-tournament-in."​